This is where it's at. I made it. I planned it. Forget the bagels, I’ll take toast if I don’t have to leave the house. I just brushed my teeth, and I even stained my shirt with paste for old time’s sake, and now I take to the couch for the ride of my life.
Sunday in front of the TV. Watch me land in s l o w - m o t i o n . . .
I'm not apologizing for any of it. This is what I need right now. No work, no family, no more conversations about why we don’t have more conversations, just… Sunday junk, which is perfectly useless, but hardly the end of the world. She is giving me the gift today… she’s made herself invisible. Baby I owe you one, or several, but we’ll crunch those numbers at a later date. Right now I am incommunicado. Let me live this day on Sofa Island, TV County, in the great state of Sports and Entertainment, in the lost sea of the living room, as baseball settles down and football fires up.
I have a glass of water, a personal oasis, and there’s ice in the glass, just hanging there, doing what ice does in a quiet kind of way. I'm charging through the channels, getting garbage, garbage, garbage. It’s good to have something you can count on. The sun is shining through the curtains but I forgot to have a kid and I’m not about to start a family at 11:30 AM.
Old movie, old movie, old movie… Sunday morning television is a punishment for not going to church. Remember God? Whoa! That is one busty weatherwoman… she’s gonna need surgery or have back problems for life. Stretching out my muscles, my shoulders and ankles and calves… so happy I put socks on when I got out of bed this morning because they feel so good on my feet and I would never have the energy for such an enormous effort if they were bare now.
Meet The Press? We’ve met… and we disagree frequently. Ah, pre-game. Are there any sweeter words? They’re warming up and I’m drifting off. Yeah, that’s the stuff. Sleep. Sleeping through a ballgame is the ultimate expression of freedom. This is still America, yes? Besides I got up kind of early for a Sunday anyway… I mean, where the hell am I going?
You couldn't even get me to roll over right now. It’s just not gonna happen. I can smell her burning the bagels but I do not even care. Not going to open my mouth today, not gonna say a single thing.
I’m taking a sip of my water. Oh man! The ice seems to last longer these days and it’s so cold, so fresh- this might be the best water in the world. The freshest. Wettest. Coldest. Even the sun outside is accommodating… he’s on a dimmer switch like he doesn’t want to blind me with his brightness. Such cooperation…
Listen to these bozos talk just like they know… coming back from an injury isn't easy! Maybe I won’t ever get off this couch… it's a definite possibility. I’m starting to realize my grandfather might have had the right idea. I have multiple games to watch, and some personal stuff to work out during commercials. So I’ll call in sick on Monday. I don’t care. Let them fire me. What is this…? A music infomercial? Are people still buying CD’s...? I love that song! I’m gonna buy this set if I can remember the number... The game is starting... Are you ready for this? I’m laying my head down... I’m closing my eyes... couch pillow under my thoughtless head. Fantasy numbers can wait until Monday... I’m taking a nap now...
I’m gonna waste this day perfectly... I'm not even going to
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